Life in Minnesota, redux
Some people wanted to know what kind of culture shock I might experience in Minnesota. I lived in Minnesota for four years, so it's not the snow, or the accents, or the niceness.

No, to illustrate the kind of culture shock I experienced, I present to you a five question quiz. It's multiple choice, but take a moment to consider your answers before clicking through to the options.

1. On the bedroom door of your five-year-old nephew, you would expect to find a measuring tape and a sign saying, "Watch me grow..."

     (a) "...like a tree."
     (b) "...and help me know."
     (c) "...like Jesus grew."

2. Your brother-in-law roots for sports teams based on...

     (a) Their proximity to his home.
     (b) Their win/loss records.
     (c) The moral character of their players and coaches.

3. At lunch, your father-in-law pulls out a present he got earlier that day: a box of questions to spark discussion. Which of the following is the most likely exchange between you and your hostess's mother in response to "What book would you most like to have memorized?"

     (a) "Something by John Muir, maybe."
          "I was thinking of Semantics in Generative Grammar by Heim and Kratzer."
          "You're sure you wouldn't prefer Earth in the Balance?"

     (b) "That's a good question."
          "I was thinking of Semantics in Generative Grammar by Heim and Kratzer."
          "I can see why that would be."

     (c) "Well, everyone in this room would say the Bible, of course."
          "I was thinking of Semantics in Generative Grammar by Heim and Kratzer."
          "All of that is included in the Bible."

4. Your niece's grandmother gets her a book about a girl who just knows she's a princess, but starts to worry about the fact that she doesn't have jewels or a crown, and that her father is not a king. The moral of the story comes when her father tells her,

     (a) "We are all princes and princesses in care of the earth, and we must reign wisely to protect her and preserve her."
     (b) "You don't need a crown or jewels; you'll always be the princess of my heart."
     (c) "We are all children of a much greater King, and that makes us special."

5. Your sister-in-law relates a story in which a friend of hers, Margaret, had a brain clot. One day, another friend called and mentioned that she had a freind wih a brain clot; it turned out that they each independently knew Margaret. This inspired your sister-in-law and her friend to:

     (a) Thank G-d for modern medicine.
     (b) Thank G-d for their own good health.
     (c) Take this as a sign that they should pray together, then and there, for Margaret.

Bonus question: Your niece gets her mother a pie plate for Christmas, to replace the one she broke earlier in the year. The grandmother (i.e. the hostess's mother from Question 3, and the book-buyer from Question 4) says, full of the appropriate spirit:

     (a) (to her granddaughter) "That was very thoughtful and kind of you, dear."
     (b) (to her granddaughter) "That was very selfless and giving of you, dear."
     (c) (to her daughter) "You should have just taken one of my pie plates; I have so many."

If you failed to pick (c) for any of the above questions, then you, too, could have suffered the same kind of culture shock I did.